How often do I start to craft a post in my mind, and like a beautiful butterfly, the idea flies away and I find myself embroiled in the ordinary aspects of my day? This is not a rhetorical question. The answer is: every day.
Every day I have a brilliant idea about a clever post, and poof. There it goes.
I'm reading Pema Chodron When Things Fall Apart, and I find it fascinating and really difficult. She says:
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
I guess I'm at that place of really wanting to know where I'm stuck. The purpose of starting this blog was to give a myself a platform to write, and through writing break it open, get unstuck. Now I'm adding BLOG to my list of things to do. I didn't have the vision of this being a need to do item, but instead a flow.
Typically, when this stuck-ness happens, I grow tired and then bored with the rut and push myself out. I think I'm approaching the boredom part of the cycle. Bored with not writing more. Bored with not working out more. Annoyed and bored with my clothes not fitting because I'm too lazy to pay more attention to my diet.
All of these things take discipline and sometimes I just don't wanna have discipline. I'd rather watch reruns of Friends.