Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I went to Maryland the day after Labor Day, to see mom and dad. In my new unemployed state, I opted to go post holiday, avoid traffic, and spend time there during the week while everyone else was at work.

Joey's birthday (September 5) coincided with that visit to Maryland, and I was glad. Happy to be in the area we called home for what would have been his 48th birthday. In my head, I tried to imagine what we'd be doing to celebrate. Tried to imagine what he'd look like now. Too much time has passed to venture a guess at what I'd need to do to distract him from aging...but I do wonder: would Laura and Joey exist as a couple anymore? Would he have any grey hair?

It's not helpful to speculate on anything that brings him into the present. Well, not in those ways. The best way to bring him into the present is to keep him with me as a guide and as love. Who he was in his purest form. All the comedic memories, the soulful moments. Thinking about what's too sad, and it doesn't serve any purpose other than feeling stuck in the moment of his death. And he really wouldn't want that.

I was able to spend a little time with Chaucer, my kitty that Joey's mom gave to me in 1995. Which was good because I departed Thursday. Two days later, Saturday, September 8, mom and dad called to tell me they just returned from the vet. Chaucer had to be put to sleep. A term that I hate--"put to sleep". Anyway, Chaucer's suffering from kidney failure was over. I was so grateful that I was there to see him, say I love you, Chaucer, and comb him one last time.

Baby Chaucer, June 1995. The pink heart was his first toy.

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